The Power of Prayer

The only person I truely fell in love with was now slowly breaking my heart.  Time and time again I watched as he made conscience choices to push me and is family aside.  Then came the huge eye opener.  He had fallen.  This strong man in whom I had invested so much.  This one who had held us together, had fallen.  I had taken up a new habit.  Really an old habit that I regained.  It wasnt about what dad wanted, or who knew.  I curled up in a bll on my bed and asked why.  But it wasnt like the meaningless spiteful and angerfilled openended question.  I wanted no I needed an answer.  I needed to know!  How was I supposed to proceed.  Was I supposed to continue fighting even though I have been fighing my entire life? Was I really supposed to completely throw myself into this man even though he was clearly not going to fight for me?  Why would I even do that?  I needed answers.  Had I chosen wrong... AGAIN!  Had I really gone through another year of life in a huge mistake?  It hurt so much I just wanted it to stop.  If I had to put myself through more pain to bring it al to a close I was willing to do so, even though my love for this person was greater than my love for myself.  I went over the pros and cons and spelled them all out in my head.  Obviously I didnt need to go over all of this for his sake, but it helped and I asked for some sort of sign.  I felt stupid doing so but I knew myself, and I knew without a reason good enough I would not be able to take that step.  I sat asking what I was supposed to do to make things how they are supposed to be, whether it was with the love of my life or if I would need to start over again.  I was drawn to my daughter, only about a week old.  The love I had for her beyond any other, as any mother knows.  Then a realization.  He loves his daughter just as much as I.  That was my answer.  I was reminded by my boys every dinner to pray.  They would be saying their blessing on the food as I silently prayed for him to come home safely and make good choices wherever he may be.  So far it has been a week that I have not had to sit up until 4am waiting for those headlighs to hit the window.  Not one night of crying feeling lost not knowing what to do.  In that empty black hole of emotion and fear I have been filled with answers and inspiration.  And yes, it is I who has to fight, because it is only I who has the strength, and now has god holding my hand through the hard parts.  And what better thing to fight for? Nothing.  If I am going to fight there is no better cause than love and family.