I just wanted to post this. it was a conversation between my dad and i. This whole conversation started over a sttus comment on facebook. Lets show you the status update first:
"Tosha Marie Lane if i have to come in and do everything myself wtf do i pay you for?" this was directed at an employee who called me at 2am to handle a small cut on another employee's finger.. extremely small cut, barely bandaid worthycut.
Not long after this status update i received this message from my dad:
March 16 at 9:12pm Report
Tosha
Do you realized your messages go on the wall of every family member who has you listed as a friend, including your sister, grandmother, grandfather, uncles, aunts etc.?
I sent back this:
Tosha Marie Lane March 16 at 10:03pm
it would be a whole lot easier for you to just say you dont approve of my posts instead of acting like i am stupid don't you think?
and the rest of the conversation is as follows:
March 17 at 6:29am Report
I am sorry Tosha, but I will be removing you from my friends list. The people whom I correspond with on this site do not need to see that type of language posted on their wall.
I do not appreciate that type of language. What has happened to you? Why do you speak these type of words. Your Heavenly Father is not pleased when you speak such things and the Holy Ghost can not be with you. You need the Holy Ghost in your life or your life will not improve. He is the one who will lead you to Christ.
You are a very angry person. You are unhappy and bitter. I hope you can find something in you life to be happy with.
You will probably become angry with me and not talk to me now. That is up to you. I love you. I always will, but that does not mean I need to be exposed to your anger and filthy language
Tosha Marie Lane March 17 at 11:51am
wow. You act as if i am stupid and then you finally say what you really wanted to say but you be a jerk all at the same time. I really do not understand you sometimes. I think your main problem is that you can't just be straightforward. all it would have taken would have been "Tosh are you ok I'm sorry your upset but you cant talk like that on here because chanele sees it" but instead you go off about how i am unhappy and bitter. Instead of stepping back and actually careing about how i feel you point at me and tell me how i am wrong. And I am sorry you really think that I would take something this small and not talk to you over it. I have been through much more than this on choices you have made for me and things you have said to me and have continued to try and have a relationship with you. If a person isnt allowed to have feelings is that really a person at all? You judge me for being angry with an employee and tell me I am a bitter person. You don't even know the situation and you are definately not one to judge about anger. I am not going to stop talking to you, I am not going to remove you from my life as you have removed me from your friends list. I just want you to know that I am done trying to be your friend. I try to talk to you as an adult and get treated as a child. I make the effort to call and get your voicemail. You call me at work only to stir up drama with mom and goergia or come to see me only when josh is here after i had asked you to visit over and over again for months. (i know you say you were too busy cleaning the house on your days off but its ironic that you are all the sudden not busy when josh comes out) if you want to only be a preacher to me then so be it. I will listen as I always have. I will smile as I always do. And I will love you as I always have. I only wish you felt the same, and if you do, I wish you would show it.
March 17 at 12:35pm Report
wow. You act as if i am stupid and then you finally say what you really wanted to say but you be a jerk all at the same time. I really do not understand you sometimes. I think your main problem is that you can't just be straightforward. all it would have taken would have been "Tosh are you ok I'm sorry your upset but you cant talk like that on here because chanele sees it" but instead you go off about how i am unhappy and bitter. Instead of stepping back and actually careing about how i feel you point at me and tell me how i am wrong. And I am sorry you really think that I would take something this small and not talk to you over it. I have been through much more than this on choices you have made for me and things you have said to me and have continued to try and have a relationship with you. If a person isnt allowed to have feelings is that really a person at all? You judge me for being angry with an employee and tell me I am a bitter person. You don't even know the situation and you are definately not one to judge about anger. I am not going to stop talking to you, I am not going to remove you from my life as you have removed me from your friends list. I just want you to know that I am done trying to be your friend. I try to talk to you as an adult and get treated as a child. I make the effort to call and get your voicemail. You call me at work only to stir up drama with mom and goergia or come to see me only when josh is here after i had asked you to visit over and over again for months. (i know you say you were too busy cleaning the house on your days off but its ironic that you are all the sudden not busy when josh comes out) if you want to only be a preacher to me then so be it. I will listen as I always have. I will smile as I always do. And I will love you as I always have. I only wish you felt the same, and if you do, I wish you would show it.
Tosha Marie Lane March 17 at 12:43pm
I have read it and reread it and I do not regret it. It is how I feel.
March 17 at 1:09pm Report
You and I live in different worlds Tosha. We do not believe in the same things anymore. I choose not to live in your world or participate in it either. I choose not to listen to vulgar language, nor have Chanele exposed to it from her sister.
So far you have called me a "jerk. You have accused me of not being straight forward. I was hoping that you did not understand that what you were posting was being transmitted to all of your families computers. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. Now I know the truth. You want to expose your family to this sort of anger and language. You want them to see you as a person who has a filthy mouth. My mistake. Sorry for giving you the benefit of the doubt. I should have know that was done deliberately.
"on choices you have made for me". Are you still bitter that we sent you to Arizona and took you away from a druggie who was cheating on you? That was our responsibility as a parent, you were a minor under my care in the laws eyes and under God's eyes. Or maybe you are upset that we made you go to church? I will be ok with God on that one, I am sure of it.
"If a person isnt allowed to have feelings is that really a person at all". It is one thing to have feelings and another to express those feelings to others using filthy language. Especially when you know that those who you are expressing that filthy language to do not appreciate it. That my dear is selfish on your part.
You call me angry. You do not know me anymore Tosha. Those times are in the past. It is called repentance.
"I am not going to remove you from my life as you have removed me from your friends list" A big difference. I removed you from my friends list, so I would not have to read the crap you are dishing out. Chanele will be removing you too. I am her parent and responsible for what she views on the internet. I do not want her reading those type of things from her sister.
"I make the effort to call and get your voicemail" OK............. that means I am away from the phone, or can not answer it for some reason, or maybe the battery is dead..........it happens. I get voicemails all the time............so?
"You call me at work only to stir up drama" what are you talking about? Your phone was disconnected and this is the only way to get a hold of you. What drama?
"come to see me only when josh is here " You are being paranoid. It had nothing to do with Josh. It was all about you and the grandkids. If I knew you felt this way, we would have waited a week.
"asked you to visit over and over again for months." Tosha we both work. That changes life drastically. We have to have groceries, clothes washed, house cleaned, cars fixed, etc.. Saturday is the only day available for these things. We try not to break the Sabbath, you know that.
"I will listen as I always have. I will smile as I always do." Since when have you listened? Smiled? You have called me a bastard, a jerk, you have said you hated me. You have done the opposite of what I as a parent have counseled you.
Tosha, it is no secret to your mother and I that you would rather have different parents. But our Heavenly Father sent you to us. Trust him. He knows what he is doing. He sets things up for us so we have the best chance of returning to him.
We know you hate and despise us as parents. We know you do not like to be around us and it is all you can do to come see us. We know you have expressed these feelings to Colt and he feels the same way. I am sure you will probably teach our grandchildren to hate us also. I hope not.
I love you guys and want you to be happy. But I am not going to invite your anger and filthy language into my home.
Tosha Marie Lane March 18 at 12:54am
we live in different worlds? You want to tell me that you have never sworn? I have been there and seen your anger. You may have changed in that aspect but you still do not have the right to point at me and tell me how horrible I am for mine. You chose to translate WTF into a filthy word. I did not type the actual word. Freak starts with F too ya know. Or Fudge. Or fiddlestick. The fact that you are willing to go this far over something so small and simple amazes me. You writing back the way you did makes me realize that you have no idea who i am or what i am about. I don't know why I exspected you too, I suppose that was wrong of me. Why whould you know about how i express myself if you dont even care to take the time to get to know me. You don't feel that the way you talk to me is demeaning or hurtful; that, or you really just do not care about how I feel. I should assume the latter. All you have said to me has pointed to the latter. Everything that you have said only points to me as a guilty party. You say you have changed yet you still can not admit when you are wrong. I am not going to get into the drama or even anything else in the past because it has done me no good to this point. You go on believing that you have never hurt me or that everything you have done in my life was for my good. The fact of the matter is I will never be able to explain to you the hurt you have put me through throughout my life. Though you might have had good intetions with my early years not all the choices you made for me were justified. And according to the law if you are the age of 17 and pregnant you can legally get emancipated without parental consent. And I knew about the letters you wrote him pretending to be me telling him it was over and that he needed to move on. The doubt that you put in my mind about him was probably the worst thing you could do to me at that point because I will never know if he did it because of you or if he would have done it no matter what. The last part of your letter hurts me more than you could even know. I have never wanted different parents all I have ever wanted was to make you happy and to feel your love for me. Growing up I was always so confused with you. You would be so loving and happy sometimes and others you made me feel as if I was scum and a horrible person and not worth you time or love. and I really just can't believe that you would make mom feel as if I dont love her! How dare you! And i can't believe that you would make such braison assumptions about my charature. My children love you and mom and their aunt chanele. I would never put any kind of hate in their hearts for any person, not even dominic. I will nourish them and let them grow and make their own decisions on who they choose to put their faith in. They are growing up fast, and they love church. Damean and zane both love the singing and nursrey. But I am not on trial here, nor should i be, about my parenting skills or the temperment of my children. This is not a whoa is me letter, my life was not near as bad as many many others. I had a home and both parents and food on the table. I had friends and was able to get a car and a job and play sports. I was able to find love at a young age. I am able to provide for myself and my family. And you thought me to learn from my mistakes and to work hard to reap the rewards of life. You thought me to put trust in god and to take things at face falue. Dad, life is what you make it. If you choose to only look for the bad in people then you perception of them will only be bad. I have said what I have wanted to say and you can take how you want to take it. Me, I am puting this chapter of my life and my relationship with you behind me. If you make the effort I will return it with loving embrace, if you don't then so be it. I am done crying about this and you. It's time for me to focus on my life and the goals I am achieving. And I can do that with or without your support. All I need is god's support and I have that, even if you don't think I do. But I am done worrying about what you think of me. I hope that you can search within yourself and find peace. Because I have found mine. I do not need anything from you anymore. I have out grown the need of approval from someone who can't approve of me no matter what I do. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow just as my day has been today. I am going to bed. I think it would be better if you would just let me have some peace tomorrow if you don't mind. Have a good day.
Love,
Tosha
"Tosha Marie Lane if i have to come in and do everything myself wtf do i pay you for?" this was directed at an employee who called me at 2am to handle a small cut on another employee's finger.. extremely small cut, barely bandaid worthycut.
Not long after this status update i received this message from my dad:
March 16 at 9:12pm Report
Tosha
Do you realized your messages go on the wall of every family member who has you listed as a friend, including your sister, grandmother, grandfather, uncles, aunts etc.?
I sent back this:
Tosha Marie Lane March 16 at 10:03pm
it would be a whole lot easier for you to just say you dont approve of my posts instead of acting like i am stupid don't you think?
and the rest of the conversation is as follows:
March 17 at 6:29am Report
I am sorry Tosha, but I will be removing you from my friends list. The people whom I correspond with on this site do not need to see that type of language posted on their wall.
I do not appreciate that type of language. What has happened to you? Why do you speak these type of words. Your Heavenly Father is not pleased when you speak such things and the Holy Ghost can not be with you. You need the Holy Ghost in your life or your life will not improve. He is the one who will lead you to Christ.
You are a very angry person. You are unhappy and bitter. I hope you can find something in you life to be happy with.
You will probably become angry with me and not talk to me now. That is up to you. I love you. I always will, but that does not mean I need to be exposed to your anger and filthy language
Tosha Marie Lane March 17 at 11:51am
wow. You act as if i am stupid and then you finally say what you really wanted to say but you be a jerk all at the same time. I really do not understand you sometimes. I think your main problem is that you can't just be straightforward. all it would have taken would have been "Tosh are you ok I'm sorry your upset but you cant talk like that on here because chanele sees it" but instead you go off about how i am unhappy and bitter. Instead of stepping back and actually careing about how i feel you point at me and tell me how i am wrong. And I am sorry you really think that I would take something this small and not talk to you over it. I have been through much more than this on choices you have made for me and things you have said to me and have continued to try and have a relationship with you. If a person isnt allowed to have feelings is that really a person at all? You judge me for being angry with an employee and tell me I am a bitter person. You don't even know the situation and you are definately not one to judge about anger. I am not going to stop talking to you, I am not going to remove you from my life as you have removed me from your friends list. I just want you to know that I am done trying to be your friend. I try to talk to you as an adult and get treated as a child. I make the effort to call and get your voicemail. You call me at work only to stir up drama with mom and goergia or come to see me only when josh is here after i had asked you to visit over and over again for months. (i know you say you were too busy cleaning the house on your days off but its ironic that you are all the sudden not busy when josh comes out) if you want to only be a preacher to me then so be it. I will listen as I always have. I will smile as I always do. And I will love you as I always have. I only wish you felt the same, and if you do, I wish you would show it.
March 17 at 12:35pm Report
wow. You act as if i am stupid and then you finally say what you really wanted to say but you be a jerk all at the same time. I really do not understand you sometimes. I think your main problem is that you can't just be straightforward. all it would have taken would have been "Tosh are you ok I'm sorry your upset but you cant talk like that on here because chanele sees it" but instead you go off about how i am unhappy and bitter. Instead of stepping back and actually careing about how i feel you point at me and tell me how i am wrong. And I am sorry you really think that I would take something this small and not talk to you over it. I have been through much more than this on choices you have made for me and things you have said to me and have continued to try and have a relationship with you. If a person isnt allowed to have feelings is that really a person at all? You judge me for being angry with an employee and tell me I am a bitter person. You don't even know the situation and you are definately not one to judge about anger. I am not going to stop talking to you, I am not going to remove you from my life as you have removed me from your friends list. I just want you to know that I am done trying to be your friend. I try to talk to you as an adult and get treated as a child. I make the effort to call and get your voicemail. You call me at work only to stir up drama with mom and goergia or come to see me only when josh is here after i had asked you to visit over and over again for months. (i know you say you were too busy cleaning the house on your days off but its ironic that you are all the sudden not busy when josh comes out) if you want to only be a preacher to me then so be it. I will listen as I always have. I will smile as I always do. And I will love you as I always have. I only wish you felt the same, and if you do, I wish you would show it.
Tosha Marie Lane March 17 at 12:43pm
I have read it and reread it and I do not regret it. It is how I feel.
March 17 at 1:09pm Report
You and I live in different worlds Tosha. We do not believe in the same things anymore. I choose not to live in your world or participate in it either. I choose not to listen to vulgar language, nor have Chanele exposed to it from her sister.
So far you have called me a "jerk. You have accused me of not being straight forward. I was hoping that you did not understand that what you were posting was being transmitted to all of your families computers. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. Now I know the truth. You want to expose your family to this sort of anger and language. You want them to see you as a person who has a filthy mouth. My mistake. Sorry for giving you the benefit of the doubt. I should have know that was done deliberately.
"on choices you have made for me". Are you still bitter that we sent you to Arizona and took you away from a druggie who was cheating on you? That was our responsibility as a parent, you were a minor under my care in the laws eyes and under God's eyes. Or maybe you are upset that we made you go to church? I will be ok with God on that one, I am sure of it.
"If a person isnt allowed to have feelings is that really a person at all". It is one thing to have feelings and another to express those feelings to others using filthy language. Especially when you know that those who you are expressing that filthy language to do not appreciate it. That my dear is selfish on your part.
You call me angry. You do not know me anymore Tosha. Those times are in the past. It is called repentance.
"I am not going to remove you from my life as you have removed me from your friends list" A big difference. I removed you from my friends list, so I would not have to read the crap you are dishing out. Chanele will be removing you too. I am her parent and responsible for what she views on the internet. I do not want her reading those type of things from her sister.
"I make the effort to call and get your voicemail" OK............. that means I am away from the phone, or can not answer it for some reason, or maybe the battery is dead..........it happens. I get voicemails all the time............so?
"You call me at work only to stir up drama" what are you talking about? Your phone was disconnected and this is the only way to get a hold of you. What drama?
"come to see me only when josh is here " You are being paranoid. It had nothing to do with Josh. It was all about you and the grandkids. If I knew you felt this way, we would have waited a week.
"asked you to visit over and over again for months." Tosha we both work. That changes life drastically. We have to have groceries, clothes washed, house cleaned, cars fixed, etc.. Saturday is the only day available for these things. We try not to break the Sabbath, you know that.
"I will listen as I always have. I will smile as I always do." Since when have you listened? Smiled? You have called me a bastard, a jerk, you have said you hated me. You have done the opposite of what I as a parent have counseled you.
Tosha, it is no secret to your mother and I that you would rather have different parents. But our Heavenly Father sent you to us. Trust him. He knows what he is doing. He sets things up for us so we have the best chance of returning to him.
We know you hate and despise us as parents. We know you do not like to be around us and it is all you can do to come see us. We know you have expressed these feelings to Colt and he feels the same way. I am sure you will probably teach our grandchildren to hate us also. I hope not.
I love you guys and want you to be happy. But I am not going to invite your anger and filthy language into my home.
Tosha Marie Lane March 18 at 12:54am
we live in different worlds? You want to tell me that you have never sworn? I have been there and seen your anger. You may have changed in that aspect but you still do not have the right to point at me and tell me how horrible I am for mine. You chose to translate WTF into a filthy word. I did not type the actual word. Freak starts with F too ya know. Or Fudge. Or fiddlestick. The fact that you are willing to go this far over something so small and simple amazes me. You writing back the way you did makes me realize that you have no idea who i am or what i am about. I don't know why I exspected you too, I suppose that was wrong of me. Why whould you know about how i express myself if you dont even care to take the time to get to know me. You don't feel that the way you talk to me is demeaning or hurtful; that, or you really just do not care about how I feel. I should assume the latter. All you have said to me has pointed to the latter. Everything that you have said only points to me as a guilty party. You say you have changed yet you still can not admit when you are wrong. I am not going to get into the drama or even anything else in the past because it has done me no good to this point. You go on believing that you have never hurt me or that everything you have done in my life was for my good. The fact of the matter is I will never be able to explain to you the hurt you have put me through throughout my life. Though you might have had good intetions with my early years not all the choices you made for me were justified. And according to the law if you are the age of 17 and pregnant you can legally get emancipated without parental consent. And I knew about the letters you wrote him pretending to be me telling him it was over and that he needed to move on. The doubt that you put in my mind about him was probably the worst thing you could do to me at that point because I will never know if he did it because of you or if he would have done it no matter what. The last part of your letter hurts me more than you could even know. I have never wanted different parents all I have ever wanted was to make you happy and to feel your love for me. Growing up I was always so confused with you. You would be so loving and happy sometimes and others you made me feel as if I was scum and a horrible person and not worth you time or love. and I really just can't believe that you would make mom feel as if I dont love her! How dare you! And i can't believe that you would make such braison assumptions about my charature. My children love you and mom and their aunt chanele. I would never put any kind of hate in their hearts for any person, not even dominic. I will nourish them and let them grow and make their own decisions on who they choose to put their faith in. They are growing up fast, and they love church. Damean and zane both love the singing and nursrey. But I am not on trial here, nor should i be, about my parenting skills or the temperment of my children. This is not a whoa is me letter, my life was not near as bad as many many others. I had a home and both parents and food on the table. I had friends and was able to get a car and a job and play sports. I was able to find love at a young age. I am able to provide for myself and my family. And you thought me to learn from my mistakes and to work hard to reap the rewards of life. You thought me to put trust in god and to take things at face falue. Dad, life is what you make it. If you choose to only look for the bad in people then you perception of them will only be bad. I have said what I have wanted to say and you can take how you want to take it. Me, I am puting this chapter of my life and my relationship with you behind me. If you make the effort I will return it with loving embrace, if you don't then so be it. I am done crying about this and you. It's time for me to focus on my life and the goals I am achieving. And I can do that with or without your support. All I need is god's support and I have that, even if you don't think I do. But I am done worrying about what you think of me. I hope that you can search within yourself and find peace. Because I have found mine. I do not need anything from you anymore. I have out grown the need of approval from someone who can't approve of me no matter what I do. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow just as my day has been today. I am going to bed. I think it would be better if you would just let me have some peace tomorrow if you don't mind. Have a good day.
Love,
Tosha
